Tuesday, 5 November 2013


This morning I read a poem that reminded me of you. So please continue to fight, continue to pursue, continue to dream, continue to work at it, continue to seek after all God's purposes for your life. Continue to never giving up. Because just in your passion I am challenged to be me , to be all that God want me to be. Just in your story I too can now be passionate about what God has called me to be and do. In your smile, I fee the fear that comes with the dreams in my heart and that reminds me ; the dreams are bigger than me. I am reminded that the vision is of an appointed time and it won't tarry. In your words, I have come to believe that I too can accomplish it all. In you, I have understood that it can get tough but the tough have to get going. In your challenges I have seen the hand of God at work, I have seen Him come through for you and that makes me believe that He will come for me too. With your hug, I know that I am not walking this life alone and that you will hold my hand when my knees become weak. In our conversations I am encouraged that His grace is empowering, that I need to worry not whether I have what it takes. In your prayers I know God has and will make it possible, that He will bring to completion all the work he has begun in our lives. I was reminded to pursue, to reignite all the dreams God has placed in my heart. I am reminded to reach for all that I know I can. I am encouraged to be me, and I am encouraged to smile, to pray to love and share my life just like you.

Friday, 11 October 2013

I have

I have made peace with being different.

I have always known that I was different, that I was unique. Well, at times I hated it; it was easier to just fit in everywhere.
In my growing up years, as a little girl in the big family, I did not necessarily love it, but I embraced it. I was not sure it was a good thing but I just could not conform, I had to be me.
My sisters found it to be something to laugh about, someone to be laughed at, if you dare be different in any way. My brother was the worst, he teased at every opportunity he got, I avoided being around him, because sooner or later, you are the one being laughed at for being different. Don’t get me wrong, I love my brother to bits and at times I am glad we laughed about it. You can imagine; no-one escaped it in my family, the next moment it could be you, so we all laughed at the uniqueness of each other.
My grandmother made me believe that unique is not bad, unique you should be, embrace who you are, be proud of who you are. This was manifested by the language we spoke at home, it was not the village majority’s language but it was ours and we had to speak it. Our proud heritage! So the villagers called us “Magapegape” – a dialect of the Pedi language from the Ga-Mamabolo region. We did not care, we were proud of who we are! I refused to call home “hae”; I called it “gae”. I refused to say “wakela” when you were lying to me but I proudly said “WaketÅ¡a”.
So I embraced my identity, accepting that being different is not wrong, which helped me a lot with peer pressure. Don’t get me wrong, I still fell for one or two traps of peer pressures. However I was comfortable with being different.
We are all different and we all can be special in our different ways. That’s how I came to love observing people, how differently different people did different things. It became a hobby, I still love it.
But what really stamped my embracing of being different, was when I began a walk with God. He took me to a peculiar level of understanding different. He took me through a journey of understanding that He made me in His own image and that He also made everyone else in His own image. So I learned that not only certain types of “different” were acceptable, but all people are made in His image.
God began to tell me stuff about how when He made a human being, he said it was very good. Stuff about how He knew me before I was formed in my mother’s womb. Mind boggling stuff about me! He told me that His plans are to prosper me and not harm me; they are plans to give me hope and a future. His desire is for me. He calls me the royal priesthood, royal diadem in His hand. He tells me stuff about how He will bring to completion every work He began in my life. He told me that I am fearfully and wonderfully made, actually I still hear Him says all these things over me.
I hope you also realize that you can be You because God has made you in His own image. This is so that a certain dimension of who He is can be revealed. You are to be comfortable with who you are, celebrate who you are and confidently smile and bless the world with a part of God that only you can reveal.
And that is the beauty of being at peace with who I am. I love it.

Wednesday, 7 August 2013

With All of My Heart

Deuteronomy 6:5 says Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.

For me love has to be expressed, so I had to think about how do I express how I love God with all of my heart, my soul and my strength. For me loving God with all my heart was easier to grasp, because my heart represents my affections. It is from my heart where I express myself, my inner being, and my emotions. The way I would know if my heart loves God would be: How my heart expresses my emotions, what I feel inside, is my heart at peace, is there joy in my heart.

Loving God with all my strength meant that my actions, my efforts what my energy get spent doing represents this part. It is what I do to express this love
What stood out as a challenge for me is how I love God with all my soul. I had to pause for a moment and ask myself what that exactly means.

I have come to believe that loving God with all of my soul refers to offering Him my devotion. The essence of soul is life, personality, inner self and identity. It is where I make decisions and choices that determine the type of lifestyle and behavior I choose.

It means loving God in the way I live every day. My choices in life reflect or expresses what I treasure most.
I have to ask myself: do my choices in everyday life reflect that I treasure God. I know that at times I do and at times I don’t. At times I become selfish, so I realize that I continuously have to question my own choices, their motivation. Loving God with all my soul also speaks about obedience. My choice to say yes to God is based on my attitude to whether I want to do what God want me to do.
The little divine moments and nudges that uses to push me into obedience, that I need to listen to those more and not reason myself out.  I don’t have to allow my fears to stand between me and saying yes to God. God loves me too much to embarrass me so if in my attempts to respond to God means that I have missed the mark, its fine, maybe I heard myself. I can still move on because I have learned that as I respond to each and every nudge I believe it is from God, I become more confident in Him and are encouraged to say even more YESES.

I have come to realize that loving God with my heart is interrelated with loving God with my soul and my strength. The condition of the one love reflects or motivates the condition of the other or even changing the condition of the other.
I choose to Yes to God, I choose to love Him with all my heart, my soul and my strength. I commit to allow Him to expose the insecurities that keep drawing me back.

Wednesday, 17 July 2013

Unedited Version

Mix of emotions sad and happy all at once. Its a feeling though its weird as well.Knowing and yet confused its something else. Difficult to express although knowing fully well this is what I want. this is what I wanna do. What is one to do when all these opposite forces resonates deep withn one's soul at the same time. What is one to do.Knowing very well that of all these its all because our knowledge is limited.
We only know in part and that part that we don't know we worry much of it. Why does not one just live with what they know, why should one wanna know what they wont know. Confused is n't it! confusion at its peak. Something purposeful to do burns in one 's heart but the realities of life rips it apart that u cant ignore the so called facts of life. Some confusion of mind indeed.

Should one just continue doing whatvever they've been doing?Continue you should especially if you cannot afford the realities of time out, some time to figure yourself out. One should not even get to the point where one's soul is lost in the toil of everyday life.One should not sell out their soul. It only catch up with you later on.

God seems to know better that the Just shall live by faith. SOmeone said being courageous is doing something anyway with that fear in ur heart resonating like it might just take you down.A friend like to say"I'm doing it nervous". The bible says God's perfect love cast out fear.Courage is a word that sound heroic ...

This one quote today said" Courage does not always roar, sometimes it is aquite voice at the end of the day saying .. :"I ll try again tomorrow"
I also still say sometimes its just to say I cant take this no more.. tHis one I know from personal experience that it takes courage to say NO THANKS.Especially if u've been a hero, lifesaver to so many. Its difficult that suddenly u wont be the hero anymore.

It hink its better to be the HERO that one is proud of when by urself. That when u are by urself, u know that u r okay, that u re not just impressing- u re not doing an act. U r being urself. There's nothing as beautiful as doing stuff and doing pretty well that this is from deep within and that just you.

One need to then know who they are!Who they really are, what make them who they are, what makes them tick and what make them cross.......................TO BE CONTINUED

In Memory of Zimasa

" Dont look down at the woman with 4 kids, no husband, living in an income based housing struggling to keep her lights on. We always think the grass is greener on the other side, money alone does not make you happy, good credit doesnt keep you satisfied, physical beauty doesnt make you less insecure, fame doesnt make you less vulnerable or cause you to be a good judge of character and being stuck up and mean doesnt keep you warm at night or prevent you from being lonely.
You dont know how the woman sitting right next to you could have carefully put on he rmake up this morning to hide the beating from last night. The teacher to whom you handed your child over this morning could have sent her children off to school from a dark house with empty bellies.The teller you just got rude with at the bank could know that today is her last day at her job and have no idea how she's going to survive past next weekend.
The woman at the office that appears so busy could be typing her goodbyes to all the people she loves because she plans to commit suicide tonight after she tucks her babies to bed.The woman you pass in the hallway could be on her way to have an abortion becuase she fears what others might think.
We spent so much time trying to be as strong and hard as we are expected to be that we end up cracking from the inside out piece by piece. if we would spend a 1/3 of the time building someone up instead of tearing each other down, encourage someone, show someone love some love,we could truly make a difference and save someone's life.
Dont be the straw that breaks another woman's back. There is someone out there or where you are, that need your smile,your hug, your support, your prayer. let someone know that you believe they are somebody special and if need be you are available to listen. Sometimes is all one needs, someone to listen."
When I read this message earlier today, it reminded me of Zimasa, a lady I worked with in my previous job. She didnt really have much but she was filled with hope. She has always trusted that God will change her stituation for the better. When Zimasa did not smile, you  knew that  something is terribly wrong. She was not one of those who lost their cool with everyone becuase they are having a bad day.I think she understood Paul in the Bible when he said:"I have learned what is it to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation;whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all these through Him who give me strength.Philipians 4:12-13"
After a long battle with disease, she passed on last weekend. She has left four children behind. My prayer is that they will all find family that would  love them like their mother did. They will live enriched life and will even have much more than they ever had or imagine.
The email I read came at a time when I was thinking what I have learned from her life. I have learned that it does not matter how much you have or dont have, you can choose to respond positively in each and every situation. I have learned that I must appreciate the things I have and see them as blessings.
I also pray that may God help that when I see a God moment, I shouldnt look away and if there is something I could do about it. Even if it is just to say a prayer, do something.
She will be dearly missed.

Tuesday, 11 June 2013

Get thee behind me!

Woken up by pain in my nose, there I lay in my bed.
I checked the time and it was 3 AM and I remembered the verse that
God grants sleep to those He loved.
Knowing that God loved me for me, I knew it was not Him that kept me awake.

I had flu before but this it can't be and it was not, just an ache deep in my nose, my nose was blocked. Being a pharmacist, the first thing I reached out to was a nasal spray.
Even that did not bring comfort, the pain wouldn't leave me. The pain would not let me rest. The pain would not grant me my peaceful sleep; I need to be awake in the next 2 hours

I knew this was it, it was that moment.
Very still in the early hours, everybody asleep and not even a noise, except for occasional coughs I heard from my daughter's room.
I decided to pray, I decided to spend that moment of discomfort in His embrace. Spending time with my father always bring such fulfilment.

I refused to be deterred by this pain, even though it did not go away.
The more I rebuked it, it kept telling my mind, and it has not gone away. Boy, it was sore.
I even had occasional out loud "Ouch" moments

 I said to the pain, don’t even think about, tomorrow I am going to work and I’ll be just fine. Instantly this verse came to mind; Matthew 4:10-11 Get thee behind me, Satan. It is written; Worship the Lord your God and serve him only. Matthew 4:10-11

I decided to worship immediately; my heart sang “there is power in the name of Jesus, to break every chain”. Sadly I couldn’t find the song in my phone. Then I played "Be lifted high" on repeat until I fell asleep.

And I woke up this morning 05h30 and the pain was gone. My nose was still blocked though, and I felt fresh. It did not feel like my sleep was disturbed.

My heart continues to sing praise to Him because He is worthy to be praised.

Thank you, Lord for the healing.

Get thee behind me – Matthew 4:10-11
Ntlogele Sathane gobane go ngwadilwe gothwe, O khunamele Morena Modimo wa gago o direle yena a nnoshi. Ya ba gona diabolo a mo tlogelago, gwa napa gwa batamela barongwa ba mo direla.
Translated to: Away from Satan! For it is written: “Worship the Lord your God and serve Him only.” Then the devil left him and angels came and attended him.

Memories live on!

Missing Rakgadi Mma-Emma on her birthday
Today I am all smiles, it’s a cold Monday morning, the coldness that caught most of us Gautengers off guard, and I was just starting to enjoy the warmer days of June. Today would have been my Aunt's birthday, she would have been 82, she turned 80 the year of her passing and she kept saying turning 80 is not child's play; it is bonus years, how grateful she was.
 I probably would have phoned her first thing when I got to work but this is the second year since her passing and it still feels like yesterday. How time flies. I am glad I am all smiles, last year this time my heart was still heavy and burdened, the pain of her loss was still too deep and the ache in my heart was still painful. It hurt thinking of her but not today, today I think of all the great things she said to me. I just looked at one photo of her probably 5 years before her passing. There was an unobvious smile on her face, or maybe the wrinkles make it look not obvious. But there is a certain peace on her face, a peace that know that God is in control, that God loved her, he had been her provider, A lady that her husband left her to care for a 3 year old son and about 6yr old daughter but she didn’t complain about it, took it upon her shoulders, she took care of the children. Even in their adult life she still looked after them, as if she could not believe they had grown up so fast. I remember when her daughter passed away she stood and believed God knew why and she had not to worry, when doubtful minds tried to instil in her that maybe she was killed , maybe it was not an accident. She didn’t entertain them because it would not bring her daughter back but she could look up to God who would provide her the comfort she needed. She so gracefully called me Maina, and it was special. Sometimes I just long to hear her voice, sometimes I understand we don’t live forever and mostly I am grateful to have been impacted by such a calibre of a woman. I have learned a lot from her and I miss her dearly. Rakgadi Maina (Namesakes) Mma-Emma (as she was affectionately called by the Zone 9 Meadowlands neighbourhood) Maletsepe Magdeline Ramohlale. She lived and she made a mark in this life especially in mine. I would always treasure the memories in my heart.